Notes from my journal

I am a sixth through the 18 month course I signed up for related to Holosync…the aural technology I am using as part of my daily meditation. It is a good immersion for me into the world of cognitive therapy which to be honest I had strong aversions to in the form of Skinner’s work from my long ago college days.

The course is mostly an amalgamation of NLP and spirituality from the East, mostly India and the yogic view. It is an intellectual edge for me as the body is relegated to not even a burp which makes me really uncomfortable.

Is it good enough that the framework allows me into some processes I couldn’t access let alone affect? Or is the map produced a reflection of a subtle body negating…read…chaos negating… feeling negating… success oriented… goal oriented…read overly male approach to life?

It is a shoulders up approach but sometimes I approach the body therapies with a shoulders down approach and wonder where the twain shall meet.

I will continue as I have paid the money and it is making me turn around and look at my tail…where I have been immersed for so long…with the body/artistic/process stuff.

But I tend to think when push comes to shove it is better to give up control. Thinking I have control inevitably makes me judge the out of control as bad. That knowing is better than not knowing. That the mind is in charge of the body. That male perspectives are simply more effective in this world.

I did a wonderful workshop with a bodyworker who spent the first hour asking what is the body? This from someone so well trained in so many approaches. There is no answer he said. Depending on how you are trained this is your approach. His approach has evolved to the ‘I don’t know’ and then he proceeded to teach how to move our embodied self into touching the other.

This is my direction because it is my truest inner experience. I did not know it was possible as I struggle with this so much, the tension between having to know (and I never know enough) or fix and the creativity inherent in meeting the chaos of not knowing.

I do know once I start thinking that I or my client or my partner or my friend or the government needs to be different than they are right now I am on a slippery slope.

But what does this mean as a teacher or therapist?