Women, divorce, new relationships

We figured that relationships with high awareness is a straining and demanding situation because we want the very best out of that relationship. The other needs to be ‘perfect’ or we feel the relationship or we or the other is failing. It puts a lot of pressure on the relationship.

High level relationships puts pressure on the other and ourself but also creates incredible possibilities and deep changes. It is finding a balance between accepting the process of the other, allowing our own process without putting ourself out of sight to please the other, without putting pressure yet some pressure is/can be necessary to make changes. So finding that balance is asking a lot of inner work, both in the person as in the relationship together.

A heigthened aware relationship is not like a simple good meal but is demanding refined ingredients and delicate cooking to make a delicious and well balanced dish, it takes time and dedication to cook so nice.

And when the love is genuine, many many good things can arise from it, but what is true love? what is our programming? what is our emotional need?

Many questions arise in such a deep relationship, so you see, it doesn’t make things easier, it makes things more honest, but also very confronting.

So it makes sense to ask yourself if you are you up to facing yourself like that?

Well in order of divorce in time,

1. never talks about relationships, has none and doesn’t want to have one, she listenes when it comes to relationships, she is our mystery woman
2. is an older woman who left her abusive marriage when her 4 children where adults, she started coming to the classes right after that to find her strength and heal from deep pain in that marriage. She starts to long for a new relationship.
3 and 4 took tao classes and ended their marriage very fast, a logical step in their already difficult marriage, fed up by the old fashioned way of thinking of their partners, they both left the house. 3. having 2 little daughters and having a new spiritual relationship recently, 4. having 3 young daughters.
5 was claiming last year her marriage was really stable and fine, only 8 months later calling me up saying she was about to leave her husband, wanting to have a deeper and more spiritual relationship and found that in another man. Despite 2 little children she left the house.
6 me, in the middle of the divorce procedure. Selling everything and ending up…. somewhere. In deep process with a new relationship. 3 teenagers.
7 her husband told her last month he has someone else, and because of her changes he feels he is no longer the center of her universe and wants a woman caring for him. She is not planning to make a change in her process for him and is prepared to face the inevitable. We were all surprised he took this step, we were convinced she was the one to make that first move. She says, he makes it more easy for her to take the decision. It is a typical comfort marriage. Having 2 little children.

That makes 7 plus 12 children effected by it.

The classes are not THE reason, but it does gives food for thought and opens up the dialogue between the inner world and the outer world. When the virtues are called upon the inevitable responses are to be lived in the outer world. Staying in a situation when the heart is unhappy is not healthy.

They do say they need the classes and feel very supported by the energy of the group.
There is always a deep sigh when all sit down, sigh of relieve, of letting go, of happiness being together.

The year 9 is ending for all of us, soon, and it was for all of us an intense year, be it work or love, for most of us both. But we all are happy despite the discomfort, the insecurity, the many questions. The year 1 0 will be a year of possibilities and the chance to create our lives, renewing and honoring the heart.

I would prefer calling it the Tao of Living in Honesty and Truth

And yes there is no doubt that this group has been attracked by a common wish, urge, desire, need to make a change, where the ‘leader’ had to give in too, living and following the shared process.

For all, so far, it meant greater freedom and a new pathway in their lives, but is that not true for most divorced people?

So what is next on my to-do-list in this life…

As the crunching means you live in truth, no need fearing me… 🙂

To be honest, I have been waiting 10 years to take this step. I was clearly not mature enough to take that step, having three very little children but above all an intense personal process where I could not have a divorce on top of that. Somehow the marriage provided me a certain stability and grounding which I needed at that time. It never came up in my thoughts to divorce because it did not serve my needs at that time. Yet looking back and giving it a completely honest scanning, the marriage died 10 years ago, not now. It only took 10 years to ripe and to let go of each other, to go through circles, individual and as a couple, finding a ground where we both are able to make the next very deep move in our life.

We are both exploding into the next phase of our development, for that we needed to take this step. It is a very good decision on many levels. I hope we can sustain the friendship we had and till now, still have. It is both our wish.

Like in most northern European countries, we tend to divorce more ‘easily’, although I don’t have statistics. But we do have a 7 to 10 divorce rate (if I remember well), so that is pretty high. Although Belgium belongs traditionally to the more conservative countries but it seems we are becoming ‘better’ and faster making changes.
I belonged to the minority being together for 25 years, that is really long for modern couples. I am 41 now, so I took a very long time to move to divorce.

We talked today how amazing it is that we took 10 years to get to this point. That we could not see, just could NOT SEE the inevitable and the obvious. We didn’t wanted to see it.
The invisible glue, the karmic glue was and still is strong.

It is like we have to pull apart to become free from each other, distance is a helpful tool. And because of distance we start to develop our very unique personality. Away from each other we start to see our differences and we notice that we were getting in each others way to proceed our path.
Despite our strong glue and love we had to get away from each other to grow….

Love is still the engine, how crazy it may seem…