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While sitting in a pool watching a bikini contest prepare over the weekend I saw a woman with a most perfect ass getting ready to walk the catwalk.
I looked at that ass and boy did I have desire. A desire beyond fucking it, sticking my tongue up inside of it. A desire to keep it around me all the time. A covention full of porn stars but this girl was the only one generating this type of feeling.
Such a feeling takes away my power and subjugates me. Creates suffering. Even if I bent her over and sodomized her though I would not be able to possess its beauty. Even if she fell madly in love with me I could not.
The problem is that her ass is empty. But why do I want something that is empty? How can something that is so empty create so much suffering?
Luckily I have been working really hard on slowing down my mind. Observing it. There is a time to let go and not dwell and a time to dwell like crazy. To ponder her ass like a koan.
This is why Zen people will sometimes sit and forget and other times ponder koans. Gotta’ know when to do what.
So I pondered her ass because I could not pound it.
Here is what I suddenly realized.
The feeling I got when I looked at her ass, was in fact a SHADOW of the feeling I would get from internal orgasms that would result from the aneros device, from empty-mind meditation, or mastery of Dr. Lin’s sexual qi gong.
It is a shadow of the 1st dhyana.
In fact, beautiful objects all trigger a memory of bliss or purity or flow that we have lost. We crave the objects because we ignorantly assume that we can keep staring at or fucking that perfect ass like a monkey hitting the “cocaine” button in a caged experiment until it dies from an overdose.
This is why fags ruin themselves on crystal meth. Crystal meth triggers a similar phenomenon.
In fact, I may hypothesize (not sure) that all cravings may be forgetful humans mistaking the form of an experience for the essence of one.
On a parallel note, not all OCD behavior is caused by trauma–unless you include the trauma of separation from a higher state of being.
In this regard, I think this is a better way of looking at humanity’s problem then Michael Winn’s male/female split story. I agree that at one time humans were in fact androgynous, but how do you expain gay men craving cock after cock?
Searching for their inner female?
More like they are searching for the 1st dhyana, which is present in Taoism as well as Buddhism.
True, the inner female must be found and vice versa for this to happen, but it is a little abstract when you’ve found your inner female but she is on the other side of the swimming pool.
LOL!!!
Sometimes we dwell (keep thinking of that ass or fucking that ass) because we hope to experience that initial rush of the shadow of bliss over and over to the point that we can hold it forever.
The monkey in the cage is trying to hold his crack high forever which is impossible.
It is very hard to break our own monkey’s addiction because this world is so bereft of bliss. We are not only cut off from the bliss of dhyana, but we are cut off from ordinary sexual bliss as well thanks to the control mechanisms put in by those who would view us as cattle, and by our own bad karma and resultant lack of wisdom.
It is so bad, that these days female dominance has become mistaken for the return of the matriarchy!
I agree with that philosophy, but it seems to me you don’t Know it. You Think it, you(& most of us) Intellectualize about it, but you don’t know it.
To know is to act according to that wisdom. If you’re spending time & money watching a girls ass thinking about how empty the experience and how you’d rather be doing something ‘real’ then something is wrong.
You know the trap, see the trap, walk into the trap and think, ‘hey I’m trapped’.
When a beautiful ass presents itself, best to admire it, thank the universe for it, and move on.
Peace
Michael
…is that I will do whatever I have to do to “know” it.
Frankly, you don’t have what it takes to practice like I do.
No householder does–that’s why they become “householders.” 🙂
If you wish to facilitate your detachment, it helps to know why you attached in the first place.
If someone is absolutely convinced there is nothing left to eat on this planet they will go mad from despair.
You cannot tell them to detach from food when to starvation will result.
Rather, you can show them another way to eat.
With the despair gone, letting go will be easier.
ONE MUST UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS SOMETHING THERE TO LET GO FOR.
(I don’t mean to yell–there is no “bold” or “italics” function.)
My experience so far is that a certain level of desire (“an unquenchable desire” that says “I must have/merge with that opposite polarity”) from interacting with people can be quenched with upper level kan and li and the accompanying practices of internalizing solar and lunar yuan qi directly into the body.
I believe this is because the desire for steady state spiritual bliss starts to become integrated with the body essence.
There is sometimes also a part of the body that has been conditioned by years of human separation to react in a way that says “I can’t hold this”, which is why accelerated practices such as inner alchemy can sometimes follow the pattern of taking three steps forward, and two steps back before they stabilize.
The good thing and necessity that I have found for practicing movement is that the process continues on even when you are not completely conscious of it because the jing is involved.
I am still working on the desire to feel the jing vibrate which can take the form of an energetic addiction. But this desire can be worn out in the same way that people exhaust themselves too much outward projecting activity, sex, drugs, alcohol and addictions in general.
But this deep desire to feel the body may also be a spiritual desire as well; full body enlightenment or full body immortality?
Actually that’s true. I admire the lengths you have gone to gain knowledge. Your dedication is truly admirable.
When you thought HT was the way you persued it whole heartedly. When you took Nan as the way you went to the great trouble and expense of seeing him and studying w/ him directly.
But the focus that creates such strong action, can also create blinders.
Advanced energy can lead to advanced neurosis. We’ve both seen it. I honestly don’t mean this to be some ‘clever’ swipe at you.
I’m wondering how we keep from crossing the line. For me its no problem. As you rightly dianosed, I’m plain vanilla. I’d love to have a deep awakening or rebirth, but it probably won’t happen soon. My contentment w/ now is both a comfort and a crutch.
But for people like you, who go all the way. How do you know esoteric practice from insanity?
My way of course is beer and bull shit sessions w/ friends.
Peace
Michael
My way happens to be beer and bullshit session with friends too. 🙂
Ron Diana taught me that neurotic, compulsive energies were fuel that could be channeled into attainment. He used to compare me to a pitbull who wore blinders, BTW. 😉
Anyway, I am glad that we are all coalescing on this board lately. If I am a little sharp, it is in part due to the type of energy I have been playing with lately.
Seems it is infecting others in the subtle planes. lol!
You bring up some good points. In Buddhism they also warn about the danger of being addicted to the physical bliss of the 1st dhyana.
Can you describe your exact method the way that you practice it?
One of the misconceptions about Buddhism is that they malign the body. In fact, they also transform their body as do the Taoists. Both Taoists and Buddhists alike, when successful, sport a body that isn’t quite human.
Looks like the board has just lit up with swears, rudeness, ignorance on some people’s part. Go figure really. I guess it helps to break up the smooth energy that was beginning to form and does help to break to chaos. I do get the whole – hey there are females on the forum, lets attack thing happening but hey, small things amuse small minds.
I agree with thelearner. I think some just like to hear themselves and read themselves saying ass and fuck, see what they can stir up. Maybe it in itself gives a perverse sense of pleasure. Kind of wonder eactly where the bearer and bringer of such nonsense truly lies in the formation. I have run into greatly educated people who have studied their specialty back and forth and forward for 15 years in University, in seminars, in practise. They are great at what they have learned but take htem away from that and they are lost, incapable of communicating with others that have not studied their “stuff”, what we call anal. I think I can see some of tha happening with some energy workers who have studied almost too much. I agree with the “blinders”.
And I also agree with Wendy that we know you guys are full of it. Just trying to stir up some nonsense. Do you really think we take you seriously? We do know the difference. And ass and fuck are words, so are bum and make love. But vulgarity is the name of your game to set the energy, a kind of shock tx. Whatever. Really!
Go ahead and discuss your desire for a woman’s ass. Do you think that we women do not desire things sexually. We are just smarter in not letting everyone know about it. It is beyond that and truly not necessary on a healing dao forum. Great fake to discuss it though. Taking your little escapapde into the nothingness, PRETENDING to relate it do TAO. When in reality if you related to TAO in any way you wouldn;t have even thought of putting the ass and fuck on the forum. Geeeezz guys get real. Get the shovel out I say because the last , well I’d say 5 forum inputs need a bit of poop shoveling before they overload.
The way I read it, you don’t like the energy of the posts with women so you input a bit of crap, try to get the energy shaken off. Then you purposely pick subjects that you feel will irritate or offend a women. Then you try to relate it to somehting in the forum, say maybe controlling desire with the void. GADDDD! I think I am going to puke. I see it happen all the time with you guys. Work it babies, work it. I just wonder why you don’t transcend this little recipe at some point. It is getting a little repititious and boring. YOu should try at some time to carry the smooth energy over the top. You may be surprised with what would come of it. OH, oh just aminute maybe I should spell it CUM. How is that. Oh and maybe I should say has anyone been to HOng FUK.
Oh well, I am getting a bit busy now anyways. Too much to do to spend time on here. Catch you later.
P: “Frankly, you don’t have what it takes to practice like I do. No householder does–that’s why they become “householders.” :)”
That is true, and so is the converse:
Frankly Plato, you don’t have what it takes to practice as a householder. In fact, no ???? (insert whatever description of you seems fitting) does — that is why they become “????s” :]Training is just training – the “battleground” is life, and the household is overflowing with life and dense jing conflicts and sweet shen bliss-fields to be resolved and integrated with ever skillfull glee!
But, if you are a “????”, a porn convention would be an excellent place to be.
Chris
This type of disagreement is good stuff; at least when it leads to defining what we’re doing and reaching if not common ground then common understanding. It tends to be less fruitful when it degrades into ‘Screw you’, “No Screw you, twice over”.
So you see the porn conference as a sort of mortuary practice. I guess Gandhi slept(celebately) w/ young naked virgins. And got plenty of bad press from it.
Peace
Michael
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