[Perceiver]

Never had depression but can relate to what you say. The ego can play enormous tricks on us. Something that might work is to write a diary so you see your thoughts in writing, or talk to a psychologist who can identify some of your unconscious thought patterns.

[Perceiver]

Yes, could be another control issue. But I moved through the system without listening to any of the audio CDs. Had a live teacher instead. But then when I go back now and listen to those CDs it turns out there’s an enormous amount of detail that I wasn’t taught, including some exercises that were missed completely (like testicle breathing). So am thinking that at minimum it would be good to start listening through those CDs.

[Perceiver]

Thanks for the input Viktor. Actually I just did some mindfulness meditation five years ago and after a month or so something popped, and has stayed open since.

As a concluding remark to this thread I’ve got something really nice to announce. For the first time in five years, I am actually able to feel the fullness of my body again.

Since this thing popped five years ago, I’ve had two main problems. The first is the thing I described earlier: Voice loss and a bodily anxiety that is activated by speaking, accompanied by loss of feeling in the body, like my defensive layers are blown away and all open. The other problem is the lack of proper sleep, as I get zapped with too much energy at night.

So this Sunday I actually suddenly felt the fullness of my body again, and the anxiety is gone and I can use my voice without any problems. There is a more profound stillness in my mind and body too. It feels nice. Five goddamn years and I feel the fullness of my body again. Now there is only the sleep problem left, maybe that’ll be another five years too :).

Not sure why it happened, maybe because I decided that I wouldn’t try and control and regulate it anymore. I more or less gave up :). Man I don’t know, but I’m enjoying it so far.

Peace out for now, and hopefully for some time :).

[Perceiver]

Thanks that’s an interesting perspective. A lot of it resonates with what I am approaching in terms of my mindset to the whole thing. I think my energy opening is more profound than just some energy stuck in kidneys though. I’ve had astral experiences, lucid dreaming, vibrations in, often pressure in third eye, intuitive understanding of infinity and originally it felt like I was in love/felt ecstatic when the energy started and so on. So something was definitely going on there, yet the specific imbalances I described in earlier posts might be caused by some kidney chi/fear etc. Will look into inner smile, it resonates well with something inside me..

[Perceiver]

Thanks for the replies all. I think Steven may have over-interpreted me a bit, which may be partly my fault as I didn’t provide a lot of details.

What I mean is that since my kundalini awakening or energy imbalance five years ago, I’ve had a problem that no qigong exercise has been able to reapir. For ten years prior to the energy awakening I suffered from a lot of social fears, but was ultimately cured by a psychologist. She made me realize the thoughts and the existential worrying that caused the fears. Next day I was looking forward to start working on this and embracing the fears whenever I met them, because finally I understood them. And then the kundalini thing happened. Or actually I’m still unsure whether it’s really kundalini or just some energy imbalance. Never had wild rushes of energy up my spine, but I sure had – and sometimes still have – an active base of spine as well as other stuff.

So when this energy thing popped it was like a lot of my fears bubbled up and were brought out into the open. Hard to describe really but it’s like your fears are super-amplified, and when I tried to run from them I eventually got to a point where I got really nasty side-effects: Couldn’t feel parts of body, wild insomnia, irritating energy buzzing in chest etc. And the most significant part is that my voice pops and becomes shaky and weak after a few minutes of speaking, and I feel like a protective layer has been removed. My social fears were related to speaking so makes sense from that view. Still to this day whenever I speak it’s like “pop” something happens and my voice suddenly gets weaker and a protective layer feels gone (note: this wasn’t the case before the awakening). But overall my symptoms are way way better today than say a year ago, and overall I am reacting way better and probably also performing better.

So anyways I realized some time ago that I had to embrace these fears, and slowly started doing so. And every time I did so I experienced some growth and my side effects got less nasty.

That’s why I have a feeling that my overall energy imbalance might be healed by simply being social and meeting and embracing any fears that I have. Only problem is that I work from home and don’t really have too much interaction with others apart from the occasional beer with friends etc. I am however in the process of starting a company together with friends. Later this year some of them will have more sparetime and then we will begin some of the initial processes, and that’s going to give me lots of opportunities for sales meetings, presentations etc which I look forward to and which I believe might go a long way in healing this imbalance that I feel.

Talked to an energy guy some time ago who read my system and told me I was more feminine than masculine at this point in my awakening, and that it could cause imbalances. I don’t really know much about energy so I thought it was worth a shot to pose the question here. Maybe it was a common thing, that you could be way more feminine vs masculine and that it could cause problems if all your chakras were open without adequate preparation. I noticed that one side of my face looks different from the other – a bit more harsh, stern compared to the other. So I thought what the hell there might be some connection, maybe one of your two energy halves is way too significant versus the other – try and pop the question and see what happens. So that’s what I did :). Maybe I’ll provide some more details next time in advance hehe ;-).

thanks for the input anyways guys.

[Perceiver]

Thanks Ride, some good points and I agree with a lot of them. I am more thinking that my kundalini awakening/energy imbalance is giving me some symptoms that might be due to too much feminine energy, which may be exacerbated by all my reading and writing. I feel stuff changing for the better when I do social activities – some energies are being better integrated. Come next year my job situation might change which gives me more opportunity for extrovert opportunities. In the meantime I was wondering if there were any exercises that one could do.

[Perceiver]

Alright good point, I’ll give it a try. Time for a new year resolution anyway :).

[Perceiver]

I don’t consume any sugar but I drink a coffee in the morning/noon. But I doubt that’s it. Because I’ve done that always yet the energy has intensified recently..

[Perceiver]

Thanks for the reply Steven. I’m not sure what my intuition tells me. I sure like the personal and spiritual development but I’d like to have it without the disruptive insomnia and over-excited body. I think it might be linked to sexuality somehow. My intuition sort of tells me to look into the Healing Love cds as I never listened to them, just did the 5 main exercises. Maybe there’s something hidden there.

PS my stomach issue hasn’t resolved yet.

[Perceiver]

Hi Steven

Where do you find the tai chi 1 and iron shirt 1 courses? I don’t see them in Michael’s site. Unless you mean the Tai Chi for Enlightenment Audio CD (a.k.a. Primordial Qigong).

[Perceiver]

Yes, Steven do you have a website anywhere? Would be cool to perhaps at some time get some personal training from you.

[Perceiver]

Thanks for that amazingly helpful post Steven. Gotta say I hadn’t expected such a detailed quality reply :). I think your analysis is correct. I also noticed that my kidney area seems larger and expanded. Again; no pain though. And sometimes my hips/pelvis are tilting forward, driven by the lower back part of the groin which is being pulled downwards – psoas muscle contracted maybe? Seems plausible to me.

I will start the MCO again today. I know the kidney healing sound from Michael’s fundamentals so will do that too. Will give the Tao Yin DVD a try and may contact Michael too for his personal viewpoint.

Thanks for a lot for the advice – appreciate it.

[Perceiver]

Thanks for the reply steve.

I’m 4 days into the acupuncture treatment now and it’s going much better.

I did the 8 vessels qigong two days ago, and it seemed to balance things out.

My emotional side effects are much reduced. Overall, I’m feeling better, more balanced and with a more smooth energy flow than before I started.

Today I had a strange experience where it was like my smile changed.

I’ve never been able to force a smile. But I was walking down the street and thinking about something funny. My smile – and the muscles in my face – changed. It was like it became more effortless. The change was followed by a more.. effortless feeling in my body and being

I am experiencing eating fits since yesterday. Eating three times my normal amount. It’s not even about hunger. I just feel a need for getting some food in my stomach all of a sudden. Can wolf down enormous portions in a short amount of time. Haven’t gained a single pound, and don’t think I will. Think I am going through spiritual changes and the body is trying to ground itself.

I will continue the acupuncture practice. It feels good.

[Perceiver]

Hi Steven, thanks – that makes sense. I actually see from the system overview that the Iron short practices precede the Five Shen, so seems like I’ve skipped that one and moved too fast ahead. Will look into these practices..

[Perceiver]

Ehem, sorry – the first line is in Danish. It says “post this on michaels forum”. I wrote the above message in notepad, copy-pasted and forgot to delete that comment :).

[Author]

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