black pearl

Hello,

Been doing fusion 1 for the past few
months working with the virtues of
the shen.

Last night I watched a movie
that stirred up feeling of fear. This
morning, as I laid in bed, this base fear
grew inside me. I wanted to cry but
crying wouldn’t help. I kept it in and
let it grow until it filled my entire
body.

The gross fear changed into individual
memories from when I was young. I
put them into my dan tien. From there I
felt a gush of anger from my liver
pour into the dan tien. The anger
had been born from the fear. In succession
my heart poured out it’s hate of living
in fear, my spleen and lungs followed.
My kidneys felt shriveled and dry. All of
these negatives just kept flowing down
into my center until they mixed into a
black pearl.

I didn’t know what to do then. I remembered
the cd saying to put only one negative in
at a time but I couldn’t control my shen
to do just one. They all felt connected
as a team with the fear and their individual
reactions to it where interconnected. I did
the wudang orbit which released a little tension
in my neck, throat, and solar plexus. At the end
I just returned the black pearl to my center.
Maybe just having it there is bringing
the shadows out.

I tried to feel some of the virtues but
each shen was very against it. It felt as
if I were imposing what I thought they
should feel upon them. AHHHHHHHH I feel
confused but at the same time I think I
need to trust where this will lead us.
More deep earth pulsing seems to be what
is needed.
Thanks for listening
Adel