Five months ago I suddenly lost my mother. This has had quite some impact. It also sparked my fear of death. Since I am ready for kan and li practices , I thought I should try this with a kan and li darkness retreat. This will make 5 meo dmt which I hope will lead to my ego surrendering and easing my fear of death. Only I wonder if this may take me lots of retreats before this will actually happen. I am eager to lessen the pain and wonder what I could do to get speedy progress. I was thinking of doing death meditations and taking a long darkness retreat and then starting dream practice.