Man brings completion to woman – medieval wisdom

I gave my words many thoughts after I wrote them to you. They were on the very edge and it boggled me why I said it in that way. You don’t know me in real life, I am a gentle person. And Michael is right we probably would get along well.

Let my rephrase my ‘opinion’: you are like a strong wild horse….you can fill in for yourself what strong wild horses need to become a winner on the track (of life). Soften my words, they were not meant to harm you, they were meant to trigger you.

It is very important that people like you keep themselves open, yes they tend to become arrogant because they are so strong.

You have my love Fajin, I regret I hurt you…really.

How fashionable ‘my lineage’ ahum, ahum, well… yes I started 14 years ago with bodywork, getting into very deep emotional shit. That is when a bodywork teacher adviced me to start with tao practice. So I did. Met Michael (very wild guess) 8 or 9 years ago, did the whole track till heaven and earth recently in September. I always applied the practice in my own way because it is a male oriented practice and I don’t find it exactly fitting with me. But Michaels approach is close enough to get the alchemy work for me. Mantak Chia is no option for me.

As a woman I breath in the teacher not his words, that is why I never practice out of books, hardly read anything, never use tapes or dvd. Life teaching is the best option or internet is a pathway to get the energy as well. Through the years I learned to connect without life contact, I connect by will. But it is nice to bath in the energy when close by, absorbing and giving back.

My relationship:
At 16, hardly grown up I started my relationship, first years all went okay, after 14 years the cracks showed up. He too occupied with his job, dealing with his own issues, me dealing with my emotional garbage, three little children, a job, a big farmhouse, too much… I looked for salvation outside my marriage, taking tao classes, went abroad for classes to get away from it all. Main problem: sex! I tried to convince him that he was dumping his stress from work into my lap, which I couldn’t digest any longer because of my own shit that I tried to handle. This took many years for him to understand, and took endurance from me to keep going.
He felt bad because of my complaints, thinking he was not good enough, his self confidence shrinked. I felt bad because of the not understanding of my problem, I was not taken serious. He told me I was the problem, he was all fine. That was it.

So I looked outside my marriage for other men, trying to find out if I was crazy or not. Trying to find out if there were other ‘types’ of men, not dumping. I did find something but my heart was heavy, the burden of my lies was hard to carry. I wished I had not take this burden into my grave, I felt I couldn’t have spiritual progress with lies in my heart. So my wish was heard, the lies were told and I felt incredible guilty, the pain I caused was severe. We struggled several years with it, divorcing or not. It was very difficult, but my heart told me to go on, not to give up, that the reward was behind the pain. Only because of a lot of openess from both of us, listening to each other, trying to understand the pain of the other, we dissolved the hurt we carried both, slowly. We are still healing, the new born relationship is still very fragile.
We don’t give up on each other because the love is still there, never was gone, but was covered by emotional problems. After 24 years now, we finally find a pathway in the middle. We grew very strong because of this, still growing, solo as well together. Even when we ever decide to walk our own paths, the reward of this is huge.

‘Either women try to be complete in themselves, and relate with men in a mature healthy, complete way.’

I am in a hurry, have to drive to Germany today but put some thoughts before driving off:

This is absolutely the way to be in a relationship Pietro. I had no time yesterday to complete what I wrote but driving the car I wished I said it. And you complete my unfinished words 🙂

Was it not for my (taoist) practice we would never had been succesfull in keeping the relationship going. My parnter does not practice but he is open to what I share. He changed from a angry bull (not even a wild horse Fajin) into a wise man. He ‘rules’ over 6 women in our house, 3 teenage daughters, a wife, a woman friend with her teenage daughter and he is the wise king in this private universe. His wisdom comes from his openess to listen to what his wife and daughters tell him, reflect to him. Because of his strength he has the tendancy to rule from that and wiping everything away along the way. Hurting people because of his power. But he learned to keep his eyes and ears wide open and make changes so we are able to live with him in harmony, not in war.

All my practice and experiences changed my view, my insights, my way of being with a person because of a deep understanding.

Of course it can not be not for Western women (we can not turn back time, we progress forward) to go back to the very traditional role BUT in that traditional way of living there are many very good and wise things.

Very simple etiquette rules, especially the male-female ones, how simple yet so profound. I figured I start a class in ‘wisdom etiquette’, how to handle with each other 🙂

And yes we could have like a ‘relationship-web’ but I figured it would be best to start with my marriage first…. but I believe firmly we can have very nice and deep relationships with many more people.
But have to run now, later… nice day Pietro, tender wishes 🙂