Modern Zen koans

> ZEN THOUGHTS FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY…
>
> 1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
>
> 2. A day without sunshine is like, night.
>
> 3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
>
> 4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn’t familiar territory.
>
> 5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
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> 6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
>
> 7. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe
>
> 8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
>
> 9. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
>
> 10. He who laughs last, didn’t get the joke.
>
> 11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
>
> 12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
> cheese in the trap.
>
> 13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
>
> 14. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
>
> 15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
>
> 16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
>
> 17. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
>
> 18. Get a new car for your spouse. It’ll be a great trade!
>
> 19.. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
>
> 20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
>
> 21 If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
>
> 22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand…
>
> 23. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
>
> 24. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
>
> 25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
> overlooked something.
>
> 26. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
>
> 27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
>
> 28. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
>
> 29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
>
> 30. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
>
> 31. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
>
> 32. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
>
> 33. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
>
> 34. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
>
> 35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
>
> 36. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what
> happened.
>
> 37. Just remember – if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
>
> 38. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear
> bright until you hear them speak.