specifik kidney program

Hello Wendy

Actually my idea for the program was the reversed one! To collect positive points and the spend them as money. I have managed to do it that way before, but not for a long time.

If I´m to hard against myself. Well that will be true if I make a program that I can´t follow. It looks like it must be adjusted a litle. I´m shore that after ading the posibility to gain more positive points it will be a better program. But also the main idea was to do the program much more sincerely than before, beacase I realy want some results. If this is the right approoach or the best one that is something I´m not absolutely shore about. There is of course also some good things with doing the program. Giving myself time to sleep enogh so that I not feel very tired all the days. Giving me time to do qigong. Not drinking cofe beacase that is something that drain me in the long run e.t.c. To do all these things that make me feel much better, is that realy to be hard against myself? Seen from another perspective it is realy to be nice to myself. 🙂 Anyway I apreachiate your comment.

Time is also a factor. It takes time to change habbits. I have noticed it many times. It is qutie hard actually to achive.

One thing that I not mentione for instance is that I hardly ever drink alcohol nowdays and this am I able to do without any problem at all. My alcohol consumtion the last year is two bear and a litle alcohol at christmas. That is somethihng that was hard to do in the beginning, but now it is just a new habbit, a habbit of not drinking alcohol. This is realy what I want to achive with the other things as well. I already have it with the qigong and with the physical exercises, they work as a habbit, even though I not follow my program everyday, but most of the days! I want to come there with porn and cofe also, to not been using them. This is still a bit hard, but I must say that I make progress. Some of the negative points are from drinking cofe also. What I also did this weak was to finish the last part except my thesis work that is left from my studies. I was quite tired and did drink a cup of cofe to days in a raw. But still the program helped me to stop at one cup. Before the program think I have at least been drinking two cups in a row and perhaps also more cups later during the day. I also managed to stop drinking cofe directly after the work was finished.

I am a person that often put up high goals for myself. And if that is being hard to myself you are right. Well I guess there is a better way to reach goals than being hard to yourself, so to work out this paradox is realy keypoint to the problem and also a reason for why I did work myself to a burn our condition in the first place. But I guess this is part of being a (the astrological sign from december, often a man on a horse with an arrow) ( I forget the word in english)

There is other aspects as well. The best thing I should like to do is to chage myself without a program. But that seems not to work at all. That is part of the problem. If I make myself totaly free then I will be exhausted wery much more and I have no progress in my health program. At least not if I let myself free during times I work. Of course one of the central points is how much do I work. If I work less then much is won conserning my health. I also have wery long travel time to my work place, perhaps something I realy would have to change.

I think I can write much more, but. The key question was if I am to hard against myself. I think I have to take that question with me and let it softly be there in my mind for a while.

One thing that comes to my mind emidiately. I have had an extremely will power in my life during many years. I have gone in and out from this will power. I mean I have live true the will power for long times and then I have had times of completely letting go, no will at all realy. I think that is a pattern that did exist before the illness. But nowdays the will is not long lasting. Either it is ruined by to litle energy to acomplished things or it is ruined by less sustainable will power from the mind. I´m not used to not be able to do what I have decided to do. But I have of course learned to adjust to the circumstances during my illness to.

SD

Hello Wendy

Your post makes alot realy alot of sence!

I do some tao yin and also during summer time some hatha yoga. I realy like the part when I just lay down on the ground, especially when it hot enough for me to do it oustside.

So without realy knowing how to achive it, I think this post was realy important! I have been thinking like this also lately, that just letting go or surrender perhaps solve things better than ading more and more will into the program. But I´m not shore if I am ready to drop the will! Perhaps thats not what is needed, but to as you say add surrendering into the program.

Have to stop, but realy liked that post!

SD

Hello! Answer to both Steven and Wendy

For me one thing is realy important also. That is that I realy got a result from my program. A result that was bigger than earlier trials. I try all the time to do new things keep at them for a while and see if they give any results, if they do I want to continue with them. This new total aproach was actually quite succesful, that is the reason I keep on doing it.

One difficulty with such a method to do alot of things at the same thing is that you realy don´t know which part that actually does the job. Perhaps it is so easy that it is the fact that I go to bed earlier, that gives more than 90 % of the result and many of the others doesn´t work. But I usually think in another way. I think if this work I at least know that this couple of treatments together does work, and that is fine.

Steven was talking about intention. The intention is clear to me, the intention is wery deeply set in my mind or in my soul, true deep hypnotice like processes during my early years of treatment. In those processes I told myself that I will be free from this ilness beacase I will keep on working with my health untill I have found a solution.

During the process there are many people that have alot of comments and ideas of what work and what not work. My idea is to actully try to be open to any method except what philosophical or methological backround there are.

For instance I have tried to do different kind of Qigong and also sexual retention practises, but they have hardly helped. I can say that one thing helps that is during periods of time when I practise for about four hours a day. What happens during thoose periods is that I got extremely tiered. I sleep for more than 14 hour a day and are not realy any efective during the other few hours I have left either. It makes it extremely difficult to just make food or do the things you have to do for everyday life, even though you are not working. After going true such periods of time for some weaks I did feal much better. But I have to admit that such a huge amount of practise I haven´t had the possibility to do, or the will power 🙂

The retention practise haven’t realy helped with my level of qi or with my cold syndrome. It seems not to work the way I have used it. Perhaps dual cultivation should be much better. Perhaps also adding more fire into the sexual practise which is water, should help. Haven´t realy tried it jet.

To follow this program of adrenal fatigue and some of my own ideas, is somewhat promissing. I admit that my aproach is somewhat technical or way not to say it is technical or mechanical. But on the other side I do quite alot of free qigong practises every day. Those practises are more freeer than before and I have also been better at doing the iron shirt part. I am able to do it in a more relaxed way. One practise I newly have exploed is to do the lotus flower meditation during a standing three stance. The lotus flower is a nice practise that mix enegies betwean the heart and the kidneys, using thoose six healing sounds to draw energies inbetwean those organs. You also work with heaven taking in energy from the sun and with the earth taking in energy from the earth. I guess doing the iron shirt in a relaxed way has something to do with surendering to the earth also.

So I guess after I have been thinking a litle of the ideas of surrendering and intention that: I will continue with my program even though it is wery will oriented. If wendy is on the right track then if I do a program that realy is wery will oriented and if it not work good, then I probably got more tiered of it and the cycle of changes might occur and a natural streangthening of giving up or perhaps keeping the intention of being more fit and healthy, but letting it be done by surrendering instead of willpower. So actually going true the program with greate willpower in it mihgt actually letting me come closer to surrendering. That is the way I see it for the moment.

I think though that there is a more deep philosophical understunding in what Wendy did write to me and perhaps I am able to add some surrendering into the program and perhaps as Steven told me, with surrendering there might be a natural way of letting go of bad habbits that not rely need so much will power at all. That would of course be fantastic!

The surrendering to the earth is realy something that I can add to my program true the yoga and qigong practises I use on a daily basis. I actually thing that is something that is inherent in any such kind of practise. And by keep on doing such practises the surrendering to any processes will increase automatically. The idea to work more connected to the earth is a part of my intention in my practise actually since a long time. The earth connection is also wery weak in patience with adrenal fatigue and that kind of practises has been a huge obstacle in my 10 years of studying in this system. But I think I do some progress. Actually to do the iron shirt for instance in a way that is more a sort of a yin aproach is much better than as I did practise before with an intention of reaching a sertain number of breaths for instance. But maybe it is good to mix such methods with eachother, sometimes more yin and sometimes more yang to take benefit from both approaches.

The lotus flower meditation in the standing three pose I think considerably help me to ground myself. But often I also do the practise in this way. I stand and correct the structure, first I go true the body quite unsystematically, then I contintue with going true the structure from the feet up true the body. When up in the head I start a relaxing process going down true the whole body. And then I go up and down with alternating structural corrections and relaxations. Quite a nice way of doing it I think.

CONCLUSION:

I will adapt my program somewhat, but continueing it. I will think about the earth connectedness and surrendering to the earth at least during my two weaks vacation, starting tomorrow. Quite nice thing to do during vacation actually! I will perhaps in the future find more deeper level changes to the program, when I better understund what part of it doesn´t work so good. What is an factor for changes is if the program works or not, that is if it is possible to follow and or if it gives enoug postive results. The program which I haven´t precented everything of jet are also to be increased when I´m ready, that is to add more things and more methods. Some of them I do wait with beacase it is to much to do at once and some I wait with beacase I wait to have enough money to do them.

Apreciations for your comments. It is of help actually to have people around that gives interest to the process. Even though I fear that people think that I am stubborn with following my own ideas, but that is a part of the strong willlpower needed, I guess.

Now it is time to watch the socker ball World Championship final!

Bye for now, SD

Hello Steven!

Well I have to admit that if I took it more soft I would have results faster, there is no question about it!

But there is also a positive side to this. I realy can do alot more things today than for let us say three years ago. Things are going in the right direction, but sometimes it feels painfully slow.

But when talking about doing to much, it is a matter of knowing when to stop, when to relax and to realy not stay on owerdrive all the time. Regular relaxation is extremely important. For me also to sleep alot is the key. I can realy do alot of things today if I sleep alot at night and also sleep during the day. When I over rush the system I also got even more sleepy.

I think what happens is that the adrenals when excausted they turn of the methabolism in the body, so that they can rest. That increases the problems, but realy is just signal to rest.

I go ower to another mood. Feeling some happyness ower all the things I actually can do! There is a way of describing it in the “burn out” litterature: You can change your perspective and see a half glass of water as: 1 The glass of water is almost empty. 2 The glass of water is almost filled up! That is a matter of thinking positive or negative to your situation.

Working with the health program is not realy such a burden, I have build upon it during many years. To come to some conclusion in this. Yes you are right in some sence, to work less would help me more! But the work with the health program is not realy the burden, the ordinary work or what I do other parts of the day, is more draining. When it comes to posting on internet, it is only a problem if I try to be out here reading, writing during times I should rest instead.

One positive thing is that one aspect of my health care program is more easy today. I realy have a M.DR. that is working and trying to solve the problem. During earlier time I had to do alot of reading and thinking to find a solution, or to realy find what was wrong. The happiness of finding what was wrong a medical explanation was realy nice. Then even though wery tiered I realy could enjoy reading about the illness to learn more and to find out how to deal with it.

That period is ower. I doesn´t have to work to find what is wrong. Or to work to find the solution. I think today I know what is wrong or at least a big part of it! I feel confidence in my M.Dr´r work and that he will continue with the search if we are not completely at the right track. That free me from not having to do alot of work in that area myself.

Instead what is left for me to work with is to follow the suggested programs for healing of the illness I have. A work that I have much more difficulties with compared to finding out what is wrong. It is quite easy and interesting for me to intelectually solve the problem, but much harder to do all the necessary changes in real life, the practical work for a solution.

I talk and talk and talk: Not working to much is realy important! And that is a key to solving my problem. There is also a problem involved with this. The government in Sweden, since four year back, has a program where it´s main focus is to get people to work more. So there is alot of force from the system to find out methods to increase peoples work hours each weak. A program which sometimes is extremely contraproductive conserning ill people, according to me. This part also puts demands on me as a ill person to find my way in such a system. My goal is to work so litle so I still have left a possibilty to get better. In september I will go into a gouvernment program where theire goal is to have me to work more. To find a good solution in that program is one of the demands and stressors for the future. My tendency to realy dig deep into things, might be a burden. And is a problem, but also a part of my personality that I don´t want to miss. What I will dig about is about the system itself. An important thing is to not dig to deep in this, instead lean on some deeper confidence that whatever the political system or rules, I will anyway find a solution and I will not fall into the trapp of owerworking. I have to comment about that. I do owerwork from time to time, but a part of my health care program is to tolerate some owerwork, but the important part is to realy relax inbetwean such periods of time. So I do owerwork from time to time, but I do not owerwork all the time, but demands to get the rest that I need afterwards!!!!!!

There is alot I come to think about when you write about this working to much aspect. And I have sometimes thougth that that should be the sentence that stood on the top of my program list. It is realy one of the most important aspect of my health care program and should not be forgotten.

Sometimes I do work to much, I know that and I know that it stops my healing to some extent. Perhaps a better focus on relaxing should help me out more!

SD