The Solitude of Self-Relationship

I would just check in to your intentions see if there are some emotions. For dating or for being single. In my own life I have been finding intentions behind a decision be very important. What draws me to some one or some where, what repels me from some one or some thing. What ever you choose as long as you are clear you will tend to not spend your chi on worry. But you most likely know that.

So that said. I will try to make a pro cons list at work and get back to you.

p.s. I have a post in the general section I would love to get feed back from people on economic philosophy.

Fajin,

You’ve got chi kung syndrome! You’ve purified your energy and when you get into contact with someone holding on to murky, muddy energy you get pissed off. In my oppinion relationships are a must (this oppinion may change!) My thinking is this: Alchemy cultivates your internal, your microcosm… but if you just stick on the inside you would not be balancing with the outside, the macrocosm. Your dislike of relationships is an indication of a blockage (imo) or a persistant mental pattern – something that isn’t healthy (again imo). If you get addicted to the microcosm, your energy, you stop cultivating *life* – because ultimately that’s what it’s all about.

Another way to think of it is that you’re going through a phase… many cultivators go through a ‘hermit’ phase where they need to completely retreat from society… many, after some time, actually come out of isolation to find this powerfull life force that can be cultivated through very rewarding relationships.

It’s possible to relate to people without taking on their crap – and in many cases other people’s crap (and your reactions to it) will mirror back some of your own crap! Relationships can be a beautifull, playfull dance… or it can be hard work trawling through the muddy swamps of shared illusions… you get to choose which. I’m a great proponent of flexibility: if I have a distaste for something I try to discover the mechanics behind this and transform them – so that I have a *choice* whether I find the said thing distastefull or not… when I feel neutral about it, whatever has to happen happens naturally… I dont have to think/decide/plan/control/manipulate – I leave it up to the wisdom of my inner core (my True Will, using magick lingo).

best,
f

PS have you ever found a scar beautifull?

“The macrocosm relates to the Dao manifest ouside your body. The trees, sun, moon, stars, etc. and the yin-yang, wuxing, etc. workings of them. The microcosm is all that inside the body. I am just boggled by relationships as being a must, ie. is there a big peice missing if you don’t have a relationship with a woman? Maybe Michael’s Lesser Kan and Li fills the gap, I just don’t know.”

Fajin, apparently a part of you is (bravely) asking that question while the rest of you wants to stay safely in a more analytical mode about it.
In a previous message you talk about transforming the negative ego of wants that aren’t necessarily good for you. It is my experience that all our personality aspects have positive intentions they are aiming for even though some of them may be doing things (or prompting us to do things) we don’t like to get to their goals. I find it important to allow these parts to express and learn what they really want. Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like, are afraid of to get to know and change these parts by fulfiling them. This is where one has to trust, deeply. Your words tell me that you want to control things here instead of to enjoy them. You can’t control love, you can only let it do its thing with you. It is the unconditional love in the alchemical process which does the actual transmuting, not discipline. I think you need to get real fluid with this one and examine any resistance/fear you may have around this subject. If it’s new territory for you, you may have to let go of the security of what you are used to in order to explore and fulfill deeper parts of yourself that are now asking this question for your greater good.
Be spontaneous!

-Alexander

>>I do not dislike relationships… I am just boggled by relationships as being a must, ie. is there a big peice missing if you don’t have a relationship with a woman?<<

ok – so you're saying you're confused by the notion that a loving relationship is a must… but who says it's a must?… it most certainly isn't… doing chi kung isn't a must, excersising isn't; neither is learning to read or write… it's just when you have the flexibility to experience all of these, you grow as a person. There is no big peice missing untill you ask yourself "is there a big peice missing"… that's when it's missing! :0)

One thing that wendy touched on is vulnerability… it's something most people get very wrong. To be vulnerable is not to be in danger, un-protected… it's the ability to trust someone or some process and let your true self out without any armour obstructing the light… I get a feeling that you're not used to being vulnerable – that's fine, because here's your opportunity to notice that now. You're obviously a dedicated cultivator… and I see it quite often, when people really get very good at something, that very thing tends to block out their true self from everyone else…

Here's a thought experiment… it's to work out your ego attachments… if you had to give up all your cultivation practices for ever, how would that feel? Imagine it vividly… Imagine that you are going to give it all up tomorrow. Imagine that you suddenly forget all the alchemical concepts… all the philosophy and idealism… If you feel a sense of loss, or just feel shitty coz of it; then your ego is using cultivation as a shield, as armour… to protect you from the unknown – whether it's a relationship, love, or a plutonic friendship or many other possiblities for your life.

Nearly everyone has ego attachments… it's a part of life… I know I do… and it's easy to think that because of your dedicated esoteric practices you're somehow free of these attachments – the problem is that the ego is smart and sneeky, it finds your blind spot (your practices) and starts using *that* as your armour… and often this goes unrecognised untill someone else points it out – and that's the chance to learn something new and grow!

I also somtimes find scars quite beautiful… it's counter-intuitive, but often by letting your guard down and allowing yourself to be vulnerable you create beauty in the world… even if it really hurts initially.

all the best,
f

if you want to work on your middle tan tien I suggest having a child or two. It is wonderful, and depending on how you make money they may not take that much time from practice especially if your partner is into cultivation as well. I think it is easier getting to the oneness of a relationship if there is a child. Also you can bathe your children and partner in the radiance of the heart as pactice and it will really make a difference in their lives. I’d say 1+1+1=1!