The Solitude of Self-Relationship

This of course is the 64 Trililion (note inflation has occured) dollar question: do I leave a difficult relationship, or work through it?

Only “you” can answer this, i.e. the shen consensus of the ego-self deciding what is most productive. But answering the question is ultimately a reflection of the xin/ego self’s level of communication with its soul level, as the soul knows beyond the immediate physical-mental-emotional level of ego struggle, what is to be completed (or not) by staying in the relationship.

When I say “soul knows”, I do not mean in any pre-determined sense, just that the binary soul has a different perspective on the process that is a bit wider and deeper than the local heart-mind. In your case, since you are deep into the kan & li process, I would go deep into whatever level of that kan & li process that feels intuitively might have the input to move your current relationship. Once you open up that cauldron and invite the appropriate ancestors/earth forces/planetary-astrological-archetypal foces into the cauldron, just ask for a consensus at that level, and listen to the input for clues as to why the current relationship is either stalled and could go deeper, or why it is not so fruitful for all concerned to continue on.

For those who haven’t yet penetrated the mysteries of the higher alchemical formulas, you could ask the same question before doing a wuji gong (primordial qigong) ceremony.And see the form as a ritual calling in of all the aspects of the greater self, even if not consciously identified, to help decide on the highest and most true direction for the relationship.

It is NOT in my opinion a given that one should plough through every relationship just because it started for what appeared to be good reasons at the time. And just because you love someone doesn’t mean its best for you to be married and living with them.
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Souls (and heart-minds) evolve at different speeds, and may have diverging destinies, and this is the main problem, as people grow in different directions or at different speeds, it may not serve either soul to continue that relationship as primary.

I have many past relationships that I have continued cultivating on the inner (soul) plane, even though the physical relation is over, by force of circumstance or whatever. But sexual bonds outlive the relationship, and I honor them by continuing to grow the soul relationship even though the sexual-emotional one is over.

This is not attachment to the past, it is seeking completion of earlier bondings at the jing level now internalized in the ongoing texture/process of myself. Your old lovers shape you long after they depart. I’ve chosen to make this conscious and give it completion, by continuing to love (merge with) those souls, even though I may not have had any physical contact with them for years/decades. I create an inner cauldron space where my primary partner’s soul is in the center with me, and the other lovers are like ancestors in an outer ring, holding the sacred space of my soul development and invited to participate in it.

Since all individual binary soul patterns are inexorably on a path of individuating themselves and then bringing the fruit of that to the collective soul process, this cauldron arrangement works for me. Sometimes old lovers will disappear from the cauldron completely, and I know that they have then completed their soul relationship with me.

Could luck, hope you win the 64 trillion dollars, send me some when it arrives…

michael

HIGH CLASS EROTICA
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That’s how sex has become an obsession in the West. Making love to a woman or to a man you are somewhere else. It is not a total act, it is not orgasmic, you are not lost in it, so a greed arises. You try to satisfy that greed, that unfulfilled desire, in a thousand ways: pornography, blue movies, and fantasy, your private movie. You go on fantasizing about women. When a real woman is there and she is ready to love you, you are not there. And when the woman is not there, you have a woman in your fantasy.
OshO
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And the pornographers and the people who are obsessed with pornography are not different from the churchgoers. It is the same is there you will worship him. This is pornography, spiritual pornography. People worship the dead and avoid the alive — because with the alive you have to become alive, that is the problem
OshO
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My whole effort has been how to make your sex a natural, accepted phenomenon, so there is no repression — and then you don’t need any pornography; so that there is no repression — and then you don’t dream of sex. Then the energy can be transformed.
OshO
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Make man free, allow people to be nude. I am not saying they should continuously be nude, but nudity should be accepted. On the beach, at the swimming pool, in the home… nudity should be accepted. The children should take a bath with the mother, with the father, in the bathroom. There is no need for the father to lock the bathroom when he goes in. The children can come and have a talk and chitchat and go out. Pornography will disappear.
OshO
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If the children from seven to fourteen are allowed to be together; to swim together, to be naked before each other, ninety percent of perversions and ninety percent of pornography will simply disappear. Who will bother about it?
OshO
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The Old Testament is full of pornography, far worse than any PLAYBOY, PLAYGIRL, or PENTHOUSE. Of course there are no psychedelic colors in the pornography, so you don’t see it, you have to read it. There are three hundred and eighty-eight pages of pornography in the Old Testament. This is the biggest pornographic holy scripture. One of my friends, Ben Akerley, has pulled out those three hundred and eighty-eight pages and created a book called THE X-RATED BIBLE. Now Christians all around the world are trying to ban the book, but it has already gone underground, it is circulating. I have it; I would not say anything for which I don’t have the right evidence!
OshO
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The sex center is not really the sex organ; that is its outermost part. Its innermost core is in the brain — there is a center in the brain. Once that center is triggered, the sexual organ starts becoming alive, but the triggering has to happen first in the brain. That’s why you can have beautiful sexual dreams, you can have an orgasm in your dreams — just the mind! That’s why pornography is possible; sex organs cannot understand pornography, it is the brain. Now they have found the exact center where it is, and if it is touched by an electrode you immediately go into a sexual orgasm — immediately!
OshO
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That’s why pornography has so much appeal, because pornography can directly stimulate your brain. A beautiful woman or an ugly woman has nothing to do with your orgasm. An ugly woman can give you as beautiful an orgasm as a beautiful woman, but why don’t you like the ugly woman? It does not appeal to the head, that’s all. Otherwise, as far as orgasm is concerned, both are as capable. The ugliest woman or the most beautiful woman, a Cleopatra, is immaterial — but your head, your brain, is more interested in the form, in the beauty.
OshO
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Perversion happens the moment you go against your nature. You cannot throw your nature out of the window; it is within you. But if you go against it, its natural expression is closed. And when the natural expression is closed, the unnatural energy starts finding some other way, it has to come out. For example, celibacy creates millions of people who are perverted. Their perversion is rooted in their idea of celibacy; then homosexuality arises, lesbianism arises, sodomy arises, pornography arises. And now all that perversion has brought a new disease in the world, AIDS, which knows no cure. Still, no man of any importance is saying that it is because of celibacy — because that means irritating and annoying all the religions.
OshO
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A tremendous harm has been done to humanity by the priest and the politicians, whether in the West or in the East, who have been against life, against sex, because they are the people who keep people filled with sexuality for their whole lives. They are the people who are responsible for so much sexuality, so much pornography, so much obscenity in the whole world. But nobody blames them, nobody even thinks about the relationship, about who has made humanity so stupid that even an eighty-year-old man only thinks of sex. A tremendous misunderstanding ….
OshO
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The Vatican has some deep support for the playboy. If you are repressive you will create pornography. If you are repressive, people will start finding ways and means to go to the other extreme. Because normality is not allowed. Life has been forced to be either white or black — either be a saint or be a sinner. The priests have not allowed you the possibility that there is something else too. Life really is grey. It is neither black nor white. Black and white are two extremes of grey, but life remains grey.
OshO
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People understand only that which they long for. Your language is basically rooted in your longing. Your longing becomes your language. A man who is sexually obsessed only understands the language of sex. A man who is sexually obsessed, perverted, repressed, only understands pornography. To a man who is sexually satisfied pornography will look absurd. He will not understand why, why people are so mad about it.
OshO
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Have you watched a simple fact? If you have a picture of a beautiful bitch and bring it to a dog, he will not be interested at all. Dogs are not playboys. Not that they don’t love bitches, they love tremendously, but in a picture, in pornography, they will not be interested. Because to create pornography you need saints. First repress the sexual instinct, the natural instinct, and tell people that it is wrong and evil. When they repress their sexual instinct, the repressed instinct finds outlets. Now it is difficult to go and watch a beautiful woman passing by the road. Then what to do? Lock your room and look at the PLAYBOY magazine. That is safer; nobody comes to know. You can hide your PLAYBOY magazine in the Bible and you can pretend you are reading the Bible. Only man is pornographic. No other animal is pornographic. These are simple facts.
OshO
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The real master cannot give you solace, he can only give you freedom. He can give you bliss, but he cannot give you consolation. And he will have to destroy many things in you which you have cherished for long, nourished for long. He will have to take away all the clothes that protect you, he will have to leave you nude in reality. It frightens, it scares, but that is the only way you can grow. Growth has to be with reality, not against reality. And once you have tasted something of reality as it is, you will never gather any other buffers, shock-absorbers, around you again. Saguna, you say, “I feel like the frog in the fairy tale who gets kissed and starts growing up to be the handsome prince.” You must be dreaming. Things are not done that way here. You came here, Saguna, as a charming prince. You have been kissed, and now you are a frog. But there is nothing wrong with being a frog — frogs are beautiful people. You say, “But I’m still wearing froggy clothes….” Of course — you are still a frog! “And they are too tight” — you are imagining — “and the princess isn’t interested and wouldn’t it be nice just to be a frog again?” What are you talking about? You don’t need any help, you already are one! Accept your frogginess and forget all about the princess. In fact I have never seen a frog interested in a princess — foolish idea! Become interested in another frog! And in that way I can help you. I have so many frogs here.
OshO
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Nudity should be natural, should be as natural as animals, as trees, as everything else is nude. Then pornography will disappear. Pornography is there as a sort of mental masturbation; it is mind masturbation. You are not allowed to love women, you are not allowed to love men, you are not allowed to make as many contacts as possible; the mind is boiling and starts a sort of inner masturbation. Pornography helps you; it gives you visions of beautiful women and beautiful men, to dream about, and it gives you a thrill.
OshO
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Celibacy, when it is imposed on our natural impulses, is a perversion. And the Christian Church’s hypocrisy about it makes it morally responsible for the spread of all sexual perversion and AIDS among the priesthood and among the population on earth.
OshO
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If sex becomes such a trivial thing — just a bodily affair where surfaces meet and separate — your depth remains untouched. You are again missing something — something great, something very mysterious — because you become aware of your own depth only when somebody else touches it. Only through the other do you become aware of your inner being; only in deep relationship does somebody’s love resound in you and bring your depth into being. Only through somebody else do you discover yourself.
OshO

PORNOGRAPHY
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There is a sex centre in the brain. In fact, you are more controlled by the sex centre in the brain than the actual sex centre of your body. That’s why fantasy works so much. That’s why pornography has so much appeal. The pornography cannot appeal to the sex centre itself, witch means your genitals!! It stimulates the brain centre attached to the sex centre. Immediately the sex centre, the physiological sex centre, starts being active once the mind is active.
OshO

A powerful/fast and good technique to move your sex center back from the brains down to your genitals is:
DYNAMIC MEDITATION ®©

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The word is very beautiful because it comes closest to the meditative state, which is orgasmic. It is orgasmic not in the sexual sense, but it has all the qualities of the orgasm. Buddha, sitting under his bodhi tree, is in an orgasmic state with the whole existence. His whole being is dancing with the wind, with the sun, with the rain. The sexual orgasm is just a little window that opens into a wider and wider sky. You need not stay behind the window. You should thank your sexual energy that it opened the window — but go outside, because far bigger experiences are waiting for you. So those who call me the “sex guru” are simply stupid. They don’t understand a simple thing. I repeat again: I am the most anti-sex person in the whole world. If I am listened to there will be no pornography, there will be no homosexuals, there will be no lesbians — there will be no perversions of any kind. And you call me the “sex guru”!
OshO
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When you are moving in love energy, melting, flowing, and an orgasm is opening inside you, it is there that reality has to be looked at. The man is just foolish, he is just looking at the body; the woman is more understanding, she is looking at the psyche — a higher standpoint. But still it is not religious. It is artistic, aesthetic, but still not religious. When you become religious, then the Tantra attitude arises. Then you don’t see with open eyes, you don’t see with closed eyes you simply see the seer! You are not worried about the experience, you look at the experiencer, you look at the witness. Then love becomes Tantra. Whether it is a man or a woman who is moving into the dimension of Tantra, he or she is not interested in what is happening; rather, he or she is more interested in the witness who is watching it all. Who is this witness? And when the energy is exploding in such a natural, spontaneous realm it is better to watch. Just be a watcher on the h i 11. Forget about you r being a man or a woman, forget about your being in the body, forget that you are a mind and just be a witness — and then you have become transcendental. Tantra is transcendental.
OshO
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Pornography is created by your priests; they are the foundation of it — and then all kinds of perversions… because when you cannot actually meet the other pole for which the attraction is natural, you start fantasizing. Then a greater problem arises: twenty years of fantasies and dreams, and then you meet a real woman and she falls very low, very low in your expectations — because all those fantasies! You were completely free to fantasize; no real woman is going to satisfy you. Because of your fantasies and dreams you have created such ideas about a woman — which no woman can fulfill, and you have created such ideas about men — which no man can fulfill. Hence the frustration. Hence the bitterness that arises between couples.
OshO
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Pornography is created by your priests; they are the foundation of it — and then all kinds of perversions… because when you cannot actually meet the other pole for which the attraction is natural, you start fantasizing. Then a greater problem arises: twenty years of fantasies and dreams, and then you meet a real woman and she falls very low, very low in your expectations — because all those fantasies! You were completely free to fantasize; no real woman is going to satisfy you. Because of your fantasies and dreams you have created such ideas about a woman — which no woman can fulfill, and you have created such ideas about men — which no man can fulfill. Hence the frustration. Hence the bitterness that arises between couples.
OshO
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You are living in a society which is one thing from the outside and just totally different from inside. This is not just a joke. These kinds of games have been happening down the ages, but they were happening only at the highest level of society — the super-rich, the kings, the priests. They have a beautiful facade to show to the world. They will teach morality and they will teach everything against obscenity, pornography, but in their own life, hidden behind the curtains, totally different things are happening.
OshO
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From all the courts of America the BIBLE should be thrown out. It is nothing but pornography. And when you have a beautiful document like the American Constitution, why go to third-rate pornography, and keep it in courts for people to take the oath on? And still you go on thinking that you are not mixing religion with the government! You are mixing religion with government.
OshO
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If you don’t repress SEX, who wants to kill? For what? The weapons are nothing but phallic deep down. The man wanted to penetrate the woman’s body and it would have been a beautiful phenomenon if it had happened in love; but it could not happen, it was not allowed. Now he is mad, he wants to enter anybody’s body, in any way … with a dagger, with a sword, with a bayonet, with a bullet. SEX has benn repressed, the politician exploited it in his own way. He needed slaves ready to die or kill. The person who has NOT lived his life in celebration is ready to die for anything …..
OshO
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Just remember one thing: never make love to a person you don’t love. That is a perversion — because then you will remain obsessed with sex. Make love to a person you really love, otherwise wait — because when you love a person, the very love will pull the energy upwards. And once the energy has started moving towards love, love is so satisfying that who bothers about sex? Sex has never satisfied anybody. It creates more and more dissatisfaction. Sex has never fulfilled anybody — it knows no fulfilment. Have a sexual relationship only when you have a loving relationship, so love and sex become associated. And love is a greater centre, a higher centre. Once sex is hitched to love, it starts moving upwards.
OshO
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Sex is the mid-point between death and birth; between birth and death is sex. Really, between birth and death.there is nothing but sex, an extension of sex. You are conceived out of sex, and from the moment you are conceived you start on a journey of sexual pleasure. The moment you die, this continues. And sex is so powerful that even if death is standing there, you will forget it. If sex takes the grip then everything can be forgotten; you become completely mad.
OshO
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For example, if your sex centre functions as a sex centre, it is perfectly good. But people have been repressing it so much that in many people the sex centre does not exist in their genitals, it has moved into their head. This is what overlapping is. Now they make love through their head — hence the great importance of pornography, visualisation. Even while making love to your woman you may be thinking of some beautiful actress — that you are making love to her.
OshO
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The appeal for pornography simply says that your mind is in an abnormal state. It is perfectly good to be interested in a beautiful woman, nothing wrong, but to have a picture of a nude woman and to get excited about it is just stupid. That’s what people are doing with pornography.
OshO
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What is happening in the West is simply pornography, obscene. It does not help man to get rid of it, but simply gives him a temporary relief. The pornographic literature, photography, are all helping you to stay normal; otherwise, you will go mad.
OshO
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Your so-called saints have a very pornographic mind. If a window can be created and a hole can be made in their heads, you will be able to see just sex and pornography.
OshO
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So priests go on repressing; and there are anti-priests, Hefners and others — they go on creating more and more pornography. So on one side there are priests who go on repressing, and then there are others, anti-priests, who go on making sexuality more and more glamorous. They both exist together — aspects of the same coin. When churches disappear, only then Playboy magazines will disappear, not before it. They are partners in the business. They look enemies, but don’t be deceived by that. They talk against each other, but that’s how things work.
OshO
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Pornography is a by-product of religious repression. The whole credit goes to the priests. Pornography has nothing to do with pornographers. The pornography is created, managed by the Church, by the religious people. In a primitive, natural state, man is not pornographic. When human beings are naked and nude and man knows the woman’s body and woman knows the man’s body, you cannot sell PLAYBOY. It is impossible. Who will purchase PLAYBOY? And who will look into all that crap?
OshO
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Strange, that these religious leaders condemn pornography, and they are the originators of it. Such is the unconsciousness of the mind. Perhaps even they don’t recognize it. They condemn homosexuality, but they don’t understand the simple fact that they have created it by forcing people to be celibate. Now celibacy is unnatural. There is only one way to be celibate and that is brain surgery. Unless the sex center in the brain is removed, you cannot be celibate.
OshO
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Religions are responsible for pornography, religions are responsible for sexual perversions. I am simply teaching nature to those whose mind has been poisoned against nature.
OshO

yet he was strong enough to pierce the kumar clout

Hi Pietro

Thanks for your reply. I think I get what you are saying…I have lost the train of the post as I haven’t really been around the last week or so.

Can I clarify (for myself)? You enjoy women, you want women to enjoy every part of you. You don’t necessarily always see the point of the defined “boundaries” of friendships – you see them as more fluid?

Can you break it down for me a little bit more? This is the first time I have been exposed to such a concept…I think you touched on the practicalities but I would appreciate further clarification.